The "1 Slice Rule"

After having some initial success and filling the coffers with hard earned shekels, my band Someone & The Somebodies decided it was time to "Move On Up" the recording studio food chain and booked several sessions at Blue Jay. Richie Blackmore's Rainbow preceded us. The first day was the typical " Get The Sounds Day". The engineer, a guy named Bruce, said he'd read the session notes for the first Van Halen album where Ted Templeman had Alex Van Halen record each drum separately, and that's how we were going to execute. If any of you drummers out there have tried playing your cymbal parts "ala carte" I'm here to say, "Bah Humbug!". After a few run throughs the band collectively assessed that Templeman was either an idiot or had "mis-remembered" the facts. So, on with the plan. A plan based on "want" is not a plan. We REALLY REALLY WANTED a perfect take of the tune Tristram and I brought from our first band The Molls called, "People Are Dumb". This was a neo-punk tune and my part was 16-32nd notes to the bar. We did about a baker's dozen takes. Even if the rhythm section performed well enough for prime time, it was always something: The middle section was too long/too short or "what the f*ck??", one or both guitarists flubbed the ending, or the ARP 2600 would melt down. And after the 12th take I melted down. We called it after 10 hours of frustration with Tristram and I acknowledging this was not meant to be, and we should write a list of tunes for the next day's session. After an evening of drug and alcohol infused analysis we stumbled into an 11:30AM session around 12:15. Bruce looked up from the console, "You're late!". The reply is not worth recounting. We demanded food and Bruce produced a stack of menus. We chose pizza and due to the lateness we each had just one slice. We nailed a performance of "Working In A Coal Mine" on the first take, and the day rolled on with first take keeper after first take keeper . From then on the mandate for tracking sessions became, "Gentlemen, 1 Slice Rule!"